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[29 Jan 2004|06:27pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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( I know we shouldn't make many ooc entries here but.. I feel it's necessary )
The most horrid thing happened this morning.
I awoke with a certain chill and I noticed that it was particularly cold in my dormitory. The others were already out, so I marched up (after carefully putting my robe on, I didn't want to catch a cold!) and inspected the windows. They were all shut, but I was still feeling a little chilly.
I think I might need to speak to Professor Snape about this little isolation problem. It would be absolutely dreadful if any of us were to become sick in this time of the year.
Goodness, I haven't spoken to Adrian since that.. odd turn of events during the Christmas break. I meant to go to his house, but my Mother urged me to come home and spend the holidays with her. She also mentionned how absolutely unfeminine it is for a girl to spend the holidays at any guys house instead of back home! I tried reminding her that she was the one who didn't want me to return home, but she wouldn't hear none of my nonsense! But, for some reason, it's all right with her to have me spending the holiday at the Malfoy Manor, even though I didn't plan on going.
I haven't gotten the chance to speak with Adrian ever since all of this. I'm guessing he's mad, since I didn't have an owl I could sent him to inform him about the situation, so he must think I blew him off on purpose. I do hope he'll accept to listen to my explanation. It's worth a try.
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[28 Dec 2003|04:17pm] |
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mood |
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nervous |
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I will be leaving Hogwarts shortly. I will be visiting Adrian for the holidays.
I've just finished packing and i'm on my way out.. What will his parents say when they meet me? Are they used to seeing Adrian bring a new girl each holiday or am I the first? Will they like me? ..Even after those lessons with Luke, i'm still as nervous as ever.. But I just have to keep my head high and smile...
For those that are surprised of not receiving any gifts from me for Christmas, you must remember that I am a Parkinson, and all of my decisions have a reason, so you'll shortly find out why my owl hasn't arrived with a package with your name.
The truth is, I didn't know for whom I should buy a present.. and where.. I mean, it's kind of embarassing asking my Mother to send me in all these packages, when most of them are destined to males.. I must remember to step into a store and buy some presents for my dear classmates for New Year's, or else I won't do justice to my name.
For those of you whom I will not speak to before my departure, I wish you a pleasant New Year.
Actually, if I don't speak to you, then it must be because you're not worth speaking to.
Adrian.. Here I come..
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[20 Dec 2003|10:04am] |
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I'm stuck here for the holidays. Yes, I do think stuck is the right word for the position I am in: I would most likely be at my beatiful manor if it wasn't for all that's been going on.
Mother still won't allow me back at the manor. She insists i'm better off here while all my bloody friends are home for the holidays.
Anyone up for a game of cards?
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[14 Dec 2003|07:25pm] |
I don't know what to do for the holidays.. Does Draco still want me to go to his place? Or has his opinion of myself changed?
And where is Adrian? Seems he's nowhere to be found.. And i'm starting not to care.. If he bloddy wants me, he knows where to find me.
It's freezing outside.
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[06 Dec 2003|05:15pm] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
] |
So everything is back like before. Well, kinda. I'm pretty sure Blaise is after Draco again, and i'm still the one who's got him.
But what's different is that I'm not in love with him. Well, not like I was before. I mean, he's always going to mean something to me but.. Oh I don't know.. I'm still in love with Adrian. But he's just been bloody ignoring me ever since I said that I was going with Draco..
I'm not even entirely sure Adrian has a date.. I hope not..
I've picked out a beautiful silver dress from one of those French catalogues. I've heard that style is quite popular in Beauxbatons, and I must agree, it's rather lovely. I can't wait to wear it.
And I'm still not quite sure how I should have my hair done.. Shall I curl it, straighten it, tie it up? Any worthy opinions would be appreciated.
And Tracey, dearest, how would you like to meet up with me in the Common Room before the ball so we could have our hair and makeup done together? There's not an opinion that I trust more then yourself.
Can't wait to see what you look like tomorrow, Adrian Draco. You always look good when you're all dressed up ;grins;.
Shall we meet in the Common Room, then?
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[29 Nov 2003|10:49pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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It appears I have a date for the ball. And a mighty fine one.
And if you must know, it is no other then our dear Draco Malfoy.
Tracey, i've just remembered.. Where should we go get our dresses? Hogsmeade is gone.. I have to owl my mother and get her to find me one.
I haven't talked to Adrian is days.. And I think he's somehow running away from me.
But then again, Draco's been the sweetest thing. Why is everything so confusing?
And Draco invited me to spend the holidays at his place. And I must admit, it is a rather tempting offer...
I can't believe those stupid and foolish Gryffindors for throwing a party in the middle of the night. You really thought you wouldn't get caught? Ha! Think before you act..
Well, I must get my beauty sleep. Nighty-night.
( Draco asks Pansy to the Yule ball. )
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[25 Nov 2003|08:52am] |
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mood |
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worried |
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Hmm... Yule Ball? I need to find a date dress. Care to go shopping with me, Tracey darling?
And Adrian hasn't even asked me yet.. And I don't know if he will.. What if he goes with Weasley-kid again? I would die of embarrassment..
Fine. If he doesn't ask me before tonight, I will ask Draco again.. Like before..
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[22 Nov 2003|09:10pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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Where is Adrian?
I miss him...
..I hope he's not with that Ginny girl....
Someone help me.
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[12 Nov 2003|05:07pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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Didn't go to classes today. I have a bloody cold.
Mother sent me some medication a while ago, and I reckon it works pretty well after a couple of hours of rest..
So here I am in my pj's.. Waiting for Adrian someone to come and see me..
I'm not going to talk to him first. I don't know who ended things, but if he loves me the way he claims he does, well, he'll have to come to me first.
Mother won't let me come to Carmen's funeral. She thinks i'm safer in school. She also told me she died in total calm but.. I don't believe her. I trully hope my cousin is.. peaceful. Wherever she is.
Only Adrian knows.. And when I found out I.. acted totally hysterical. I don't remember exactly what I said but.. It made Adrian laugh. Well.. I guess that's a start.
I want to see him.. I need to know what happened.
I'll just be in my room, if anyone needs me. But don't disturb me for anything.. I might be in a grumpy mood.
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[08 Nov 2003|10:29pm] |
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mood |
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 numb |
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I feel like shit. He's.. with her. And yet, he swore to me that he didn't love her. That he wanted me. I don't know what to do anymore.
I feel like drowning myself for my stupidity.. And I believed all he said!
Bet is off, Theo, due to recent events. Don't argue with me, I know best.
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| Dear.. |
[01 Nov 2003|12:40pm] |
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mood |
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scared |
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I missed the Ball. Normally, I wouldn't care at all, since I was going with Zach, but now Adrian is acting all weird.. His entries are scaring me. Did I miss anything? And he isn't answering me..
I didn't get to talk with him since the time we.. kissed in the bathroom. So I haven't seen him after the ball. I hope he hasn't just.. forgotten about me..
Carmen, my little cousin, is in St-Mungo's right now. And she hasn't regained consciousness. I only found out a couple of hours before the ball, when my parents came to get me. I stayed with her all night, until this nurse shooed me out. I haven't slept much at all, and I keep hoping she'll be okay. I don't really now what happened to her: my Aunt found her lying on the ground with my Uncle's wand in her hand.. She wouldn't know how to perform a spell (she's only 8..). I dearly hope she didn't try to do something that went horribly wrong.
At first I hoped Zach wouldn't be too mad about me missing our "date". But I heard he's back with Suzie.. So he probably didn't miss me much.
I'm really worried about my relationship with Adrian. He probably didn't even notice me missing.. Or just thought I was stupid not to show.. What if he's found another girl?.. That would be too difficult to bare..
I hate this. I hate not knowing what's going on. And in both cases.. Carmen and Adrian.
In times like these, you find out who your true friends are.
And I've got none.
I miss you. WeYou can get through this. And i'm not talking about you.
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| I'm so screwed.. |
[26 Oct 2003|10:06am] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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Today is a very nice day.. now isn't it?
God, what have I done? Why do I always manage to do these stupid things? Why can't I just kiss a guy and not feel guilty afterwards? Ugh..
It started like this.. I met Adrian on my way out of the dungeons, and he gave me a hug. I quickly pushed him away, not wanting to give him any false ideas that I might still be interested. But I am. That's what sucks so much.
We talked about.. random things. He asked how I was and he said I looked tired! That's such a good thing for my ego *rolls eyes*. Not only did I know I looked horrible, but he had to notice as well!
He told me I still had him. But he's lying. I've never had him. I've always had to share him with everyone else. He's never really loved me. I know it, but why does it hurt so much?
I couldn't stand looking at him anymore (he looked extremely good) so I told him I had to meet Zach outside.. Which was a lie. He also told me that one day he'd prove to me that he cares about me.. But I told him that it's already too late.. So he just turned around and said he needs to start "changing his plans" or something.. As if he hasn't already. He's probably slept with the whole Gryffindor house.. And not to mention with that Ginny Weasley like 3-4 times.. I'm absolutely sure it was her he was talking about when he said he's not a virgin anymore.. Oh bloody hell, why do I care so much?
He told me that.. If I ever needed to talk to.. someone, he was there for me. Right. Like I could talk to him about how much I love him and care about him. About how much I want to be with him and only him, that I wish we could just forget about everything and go on with us together.. But that will never happen. All of those other girls mean too much to him.. Why can't he just love me?
Before leaving I.. gave him a kiss on the cheek. I didn't know what made me do it. I just had to touch him.. in some way. He asked for a hug between.. good friends. I didn't refuse.. But I regret it now. It was so painful to be reminded of how good it felt to be in his arms. I started to leave right there, but he held me back and begged me (on his knees) to give him a chance. But it would never work. We're just too.. different. I want a stable relationship, and he expects me to be there for him whenever he gets bored with other girls. I guess I can't settle for second best.
I was really upset afterwards. I ran towards the pond, and I met Zach there. I guess I felt like forgetting about all that happened, because there I was, flirting with him. Ugh, what was I doing? But at that point.. I leaned in and kissed him. And I mean really kiss him. Then he kissed me again, and it could have lead to other things. Thankfully, I got my head back and pulled away, telling him not to do things we'd regret. I felt bad for using him this way, but I couldn't help myself.
When will I get it? Zach isn't Adrian.. And no one else is.
I think I need to go for a walk or something. Get some fresh air. Or just fuckin get away from everyone.
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| Well.. |
[22 Oct 2003|08:28pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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First off. Adrian is an asshole. I'm such a fuckin liar.
Second. I'm going to the ball with Zach. If this doesn't get Adrian's attention, then nothing will.
The End.
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| Omg.. |
[22 Oct 2003|07:42pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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Everything is such a mess. I don't know what to do anymore. People are acting really weird and so much bizarre things are happening.
Why the hell did Zach kiss me like that? I mean, one minute he's screaming at me, and the next he bends down and kisses me. Then he pretended he had no idea what happened whatsoever. I mean.. What? Was he serious or joking?
And Theo punched him. Did he punch him for kissing me or if he was just pure mad.. Well I don't know. But it was a pretty nice thing to do.
And Justin was real sweet. He stood up for me when I really didn't expect him. And he still wants to give me guitar lessons even after what happened with Zach and the Hufflepuffs..
Adrian called me "his girl" and he punched Zach. I seriously felt like kissing him right there. But then I remembered he was the one that broke up. And he left to the hospital wing with stupid Ginny Weasley. I'm seriously starting to hate her.
I had a nice talk with Malfoy last night, after the events. I'm happy to say he's still the same. I mean, I know exactly what to expect from him, and I hate change. I didn't know he and Blaise broke up.. Big news to me. But I'm actually pretty happy they aren't together anymore.. Serves Blaise right!
I still haven't got a date for the ball. I really don't feel like going with Crabbe nor with Goyle, but desperate times need desperate measures. I need to think about this. Because I might just ask a guy myself.
I heard some people owled teachers about me "taking advantage" of Zach. Probably some Gryffindors. But, I haven't been punished or anything. Probably thanks to Professor Snape.
Theo, I hope you are alright. I'm sorry I couldn't stay with you after the.. events, but as you can understand, I was in shock.
And thanks for everything.. What would I do without a friend like you?
[Private to Justin]
Thanks again for everything.. I will owl you about the guitar lessons.
[/Private]
And Draco.. I'll meet you in the Common Room on Saturday?
The best way to mend a broken heart is to stay busy..
I think i'll go visit Adrian in the hospital wing. I won't talk to him, but I just want to see if he's okay..
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| Sigh.. |
[21 Oct 2003|07:57pm] |
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mood |
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 sore |
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So I'm single again. Yippee. And over nothing. Adrian basically insulted me in everyway possible for nothing at all.
*sigh* I'm not going to the ball. It will probably suck anyways. I'll be stuck mopping around in my room about Adrian all night long.. It's easier then watching him dance the night away with another girl.
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[15 Oct 2003|08:30pm] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
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I'm bloody bored without Adrian.
Yeah, i'm making him suffer. But I didn't know what else to do. I mean, I couldn't just give in.. No, no, that would be too easy. And besides, he's a fuckin asshole for asking Lav to suck on him.. Well, maybe he didn't ask her and well.. I don't quite know how it happened, but I surely don't want to.
And 3 days isn't hard.. If he really does love me, he'll find a way to get through it. He has to. And I hope to God he will.. *sigh*
I pulled off his towel.. I didn't mean to.. But I was just so mad.. And well.. I kinda told him he had a smaller one then Draco.. But I seriously don't quite remember if it's true..
I met someone. Justin, actually. He's actually quite nice for a mudblood. He said he was going to teach me how to play guitar. At least i'll have something to do in my spare time now.
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| :) |
[11 Oct 2003|09:00am] |
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mood |
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satisfied |
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I'm officially going out with Adrian. I can't wait to tell Draco!
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| Hum.. |
[07 Oct 2003|08:20pm] |
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mood |
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 irritated |
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I hate Adrian. I hate him so much. I'll never forgive him for what he did. He's a bloody two-faced asshole, who "says" he tells me the truth, but who fuckin knows who he's cheating on me with right now.
Bastard.
And stupid little Jenny-Ginny. I mean.. Why the hell is she messing with Adrian? She should know she will only end up broken-hearted. But whatever. I don't care.
Sometimes I wish I can find a decent guy, who really does care about love and who doesn't cheat on you as soon as he gets lonely. But I doubt guys like that exist.
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| Well.. |
[30 Sep 2003|08:35pm] |
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mood |
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 naughty |
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I will not let Adrian touch me. He will have to suffer the way he has made me suffer. I mean, I will make him wait until he won't be able to take it anymore. But I won't let him touch me until he tells me he wants to be with me and.. until he.. tells me that he.. loves me. I won't let him treat me like Draco did. No more Mrs. Nice-Pansy.
Well, i've had a rather eventful day. Katie seems to like writing about me in her journal. It's pretty funny, actually.
Where have all my friends gone? It seems I respond more to whatever those Gryffindors have to say then to my own dear friends. Am I the only one who actually bothers to update this? Hmph.
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| Oh-my-god |
[27 Sep 2003|10:10pm] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
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;;Anti-Teacher;;
I'm so darn angry right now. I mean, why is it that each guy can't get enough of one girl? Why do they always need more? Guys suck.
I can't believe Adrian kissed Katie! And Ginny. And who else am I missing? And then he has the NERVE to write that he misses me?!? Who does he think he is? At least I lost Draco to a Slytherin.. not to some Gryffin-whore.
Speaking of Draco.. I haven't seen him nor Blaise in a while.. And you know.. Blaise isn't that bad.. She could maybe help me get Adrian back.. As she got Draco away from me..
Who am I kidding? Blaise doesn't give a fuck about me. She wants to see me suffer. *Sigh*
Love sucks.
Adrian, I bloody lovehate you.
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